


What is marriage, really, when you get down to it?

by Buffintruder



Series: fake dating au [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Other, Prequel, aro ling, can be read as a standalone, except it's probably real?, platonic marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:33:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22057102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buffintruder/pseuds/Buffintruder
Summary: One of Ling and Greed’s fake dating schemes backfires on them
Relationships: Greed & Ling Yao
Series: fake dating au [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1557304
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	What is marriage, really, when you get down to it?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [magpiedragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/magpiedragon/gifts).



> A ~~belated Christmas~~ New Year’s present to Magpie! Thanks for always encouraging my ideas and adding onto them! This would not have existed without you.  
> I never thought I’d write fic with a wedding scene, but here I am. The last time I went to a wedding, I was about four and also it was Japanese, so this is entirely based on tv and fanfics.  
> Based off this tumblr post: [https://awful-brew.tumblr.com/post/180350992959/xxfangirlanonymousxx-saxifraga-x-urbium](url)

“So, you regretting moving in with Greed yet?” Winry asked over coffee one afternoon.

“It’s only been a week,” Ed said, his eyes wide in false earnesty. “You can still back out before it’s too late. They still have the dorm applications open for fall quarter.”

Ling snorted. “Please, with all the times I’ve stayed over, Greed and I have been basically living together for months now. At least now we can share the rent. And I can finally escape the dorm.”

“I can’t remember if you’ve mentioned it before, but why were you even living in the dorms for three full years?” Winry asked. “Why would you do that to yourself?”

“My scholarship only pays for dorm lodgings,” Ling said. Technically, he could have asked his extremely rich family to pay for some fancy apartment or whatever, but he had cut ties with them the moment he was able to, and he had no intentions of backing out on that now. “But I’ve been saving up some money, so with a roommate, I’m good. It’s a million times better than the dorm.”

“Well, as long as you’re not dying,” Ed said dubiously.

“It’s _fantastic_ ,” Ling said. “I have an actual kitchen now. And a room to myself. I’m going to buy a rice cooker and cook food all the time, it’s going to be so great. Once I actually get supplies because Greed has like. One pan.”

“Actually, about that,” Ed said, and Ling raised a suspicious eyebrow. He was definitely still in the honeymoon phase for his new living situation, and he didn’t actually want to have all his joy crushed quite yet. “I found this post on tumblr. It’s about your fake dating thing.”

Intrigued, Ling took Ed’s proffered phone and looked down, scrolling down a little to see the rest of the post. “Ah, so you think Greed and I should try to get a billionaire to give us some money or a gift by sending them an invitation to a fake wedding?”

“Sure, why not?” Ed asked. “It’s the kind of thing you do, right?”

Ling nodded vigorously. “It absolutely is! Thanks.” Ed had been rather skeptical of the whole fake dating thing for a while, so Ling was glad to see that he had really come around to the idea.

Winry peered over Ling’s shoulder. “You should probably send a wedding registry too, so you have a higher chance of getting something you actually want. And—oh, Ed, what’s that rich family you sometimes work with?”

“The Armstrongs?” Ed asked. “Olivier terrifies me, but Alex would absolutely go for it. If he sends you money, I claim twenty percent for coming up with the idea.”

Ling grinned broadly. “Deal. You know I’m always down for taking advantage of rich people.”

* * *

Getting Greed on board with the idea was the easiest thing in the world. Ling came home that afternoon and announced, “Hey, I’m going to write a fake wedding invitation to some millionaire in hopes that he’ll give us some money or moving-in gifts.”

“I get to choose the venue,” Greed called back.

By this point, after over a year and a half of using their status as fake boyfriends whenever it came in handy, Ling barely needed to run a new idea past Greed. Fake fiancés was a step up from fake boyfriends, but that hardly seemed to matter when it was just a word on paper.

“No way,” Ling said as he pulled out his laptop and began searching for wedding invitation templates. “You’re going to choose something ridiculous and fancy.”

“It’s a fake wedding,” Greed pointed out, coming to stand by Ling’s shoulder to look at the screen. “I _want_ something ridiculous and fancy.”

“It needs to be realistic,” Ling said flatly. “I’m a broke college student, and you’re a bar owner. We’re getting married at Winry’s grandma’s farm.”

Greed pouted. “Fine, but we have a themed wedding, and I get to pick the theme.”

“I can’t believe I’m marrying a dork,” Ling muttered. Greed snorted and ruffled his hair. “What day should we have it on? I’m thinking, end of summer right before school starts.”

“Sooner is better,” Greed agreed.

They spent the next hour or so debating over designs and details for an event that was not going to happen, but then it was finished. Ling planned on printing it out the next day and mailing it to the Armstrong household, then either they would reply or they wouldn’t, but that would be entirely out of his control and therefore wasn’t worth worrying about.

When Ling went to bed that night, he didn’t even spare the whole scheme another thought.

* * *

 _Dear Mr.s Yao and Hohenheim,_ began the letter that proved everything Ling assumed would happen wrong. It was written on ridiculously fancy stationery, with little red hearts trailing along the edges. There were 10 hundred-dollar bills tucked neatly inside the envelope.

_I am so honored to have received the invitation to your wedding! As someone in the public eye, it is so rare to be invited to events by strangers as meaningful and sincere as a wedding, and I have no words to express how much it means that you wished for me to be there. I have no other plans on the day of your joyous union, so I will be sure to be there!_

_In this envelope is some money to help fund the celebrations for the most special day of your lives. I am so delighted to have the opportunity to make this momentous occasion even a little bit more memorable! Please contact me by email or phone if there is anything else I can do to help!_

_Many blessings upon you both!!_

_Alex Armstrong_

“Oh fuck,” Ling said.

* * *

Greed spent a solid five seconds looking at the letter, then burst into laughter.

Ling frowned. “This isn’t funny.” After this long of fake dating, he had started to grow confident in its success and simplicity, and this was far too close to disaster for his comfort.

Greed stopped laughing to raise an eyebrow.

“Okay, maybe it is a bit,” Ling admitted. “But we still have to figure out what to do about it.”

“Just throw a wedding,” Greed said like it was obvious, and maybe it was a bit. “It’s just a big party, right? Armstrong already gave you a bunch of money for it, so. Free party basically.”

“That we have to plan out,” Ling pointed out. Part of him insisted on seeing this pessimistically, even though Greed’s nonchalance over the whole thing had made him feel a little less worried. “Good thing I gave us a month before the wedding date.”

Greed’s eyes lit up. “So we’re doing this?”

It would probably be best to establish some ground rules, Ling thought, eyeing Greed warily. If he was going to have a wedding, it most certainly was not going to be one with Greed’s sense of aesthetics. “I call dibs on figuring out decorations.”

“Fine, but it better look cool!”

Ling had no idea if anything Greed thought looked ‘cool’ was decent stylistically, but he nodded. He figured there had to be something on the line between dramatic and tacky that would work for both of them. “Okay. And about the guest list, can we keep it small?”

“Sure,” Greed said. He began counting off on his fingers. “The Elrics and Rockbells, some of my gang, and Lan Fan?”

“And Fu,” Ling added. “He’d kill me if I didn’t invite him to my wedding, even if it’s fake. I mean he’ll probably already kill me for making him fly out here from China on such short notice, but yeah. Anyway, I’m going to look up what wedding planning actually entails, because all I know is that one month is not nearly enough time to do it.”

“Don’t stress out about it so much,” Greed said, a broad grin on his face. “This is the funniest thing that’s ever happened to me in my entire life.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself,” Ling said as he pulled out his laptop. Even though he could see how objectively the situation was rather humorous, this major unexpected complication in a plan he had thought was simple was too anxiety-inducing for him to laugh. “I swear this is the last time I ever listen to anything Ed says.”

* * *

Lan Fan glared at him with one of the most flat expressions Ling had ever seen. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

“In my defense, I didn’t actually think it would work,” Ling tried.

Judging by the continued blankness of her stare, it had not been a good defense at all. She placed her face in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees, and she let out a muffled groan. Not exactly a heartening sign, but Ling pressed on.

“Anyway, I was wondering if you would be my best woman?”

“Really?” she asked, looking utterly unimpressed.

“Bridesmaid? Groomsmaid? Best maid?” Ling tried, deflating at her lack of response. As tempting as it was, he knew that joking would get him nowhere, that he had to actually face the issue of the matter. “Okay, I know I’m stupid, and this time, I’ve let myself get carried too far, and it’s really my fault for being so thoughtless. But it’s just a party, right? For me and Greed to publicly announce what great bros we are, and also to scam some money or kitchen appliances out of a millionaire. Which we’ve already partly succeeded in doing, might I add. And even if that’s all this is, I’m never going to have a real wedding, so might as well make the most of it. Which means that I don’t want to do this without you.”

Lan Fan held his gaze for a moment longer, stern and unmoving. Then she rolled her eyes, and Ling let out a sigh of relief. “I reserve the right to make fun of you over this forever.”

“As if I could stop you,” Ling muttered, and he thought he caught the smallest hint of a smile.

“And you won’t be uncomfortable with this?”

Ling shrugged. “Things never would have come to this point if I was bothered by near-strangers thinking that Greed and I are romantically involved. What’s marriage compared to dating when you aren’t actually doing either?”

“Okay,” she said. Ling was sure that she hadn’t somehow missed the fact that pretending to be boyfriends quietly in the background was something entirely different from centering an event around them pretending to get married, but thankfully she didn’t press any harder. Ling wasn’t entirely sure what emotions would come up if he was forced to think about the whole idea too hard.

“Would you have been?” Ling asked. He knew that Lan Fan had always been more disturbed by the idea of even associating with the trappings of romance than he had.

She smiled slightly. “There are numerous reasons why you’re the one with a fake boyfriend, and I am not.”

“Fake _fiancé_ ,” Ling corrected.

“If you say you’re fine... well, you made this mess,” Lan Fan said.

“I am,” Ling said. “Is it weird to say that if I did get married for real, out of all my friends, I’d want it to be with Greed? But like in a platonic way.”

“Yeah, that is weird,” Lan Fan said, sparing him no mercy. “You’ve known him for less than three years? And became roommates with him a couple weeks ago? That’s not a huge amount of time to decide to formalize your dedication to each other.”

Ling shrugged a little uncomfortably. It had been half a joke, half a moment of vulnerability, then Lan Fan had come in with her logic. He knew it was ridiculous to Lan Fan, who made friends slowly and always took her time to consider things when she had the option to do so. But there was something about Greed that clicked. Not even in the sparkly, fascinated way that he sometimes felt around new people that caught his interest, but in a familiar and comfortable way, where they could truly understand each other, almost better than they could understand their own selves.

“Well, if I was a monogamous allo person, then maybe,” Ling said. “But I wouldn’t be signing my life to him or anything. Just. Promising to keep being there. Which I already would do, legal document or no. And anyway, marrying you would be weird, and the Elrics are probably going to want to get married to other people, and I’m not as close to anyone else, so out of everyone, Greed is the least bad option.”

“You’ve been thinking about this,” Lan Fan said, her dark eyes unreadable.

Ling shifted. “I mean, it’s hard not to, considering. There’s nothing like planning a wedding to make you consider what the institution of marriage actually means, and upon much reflection, I am even more confused than before.”

“Probably because it wasn’t created for a society like this one, and the version today isn’t meant for people like us,” Lan Fan said dryly.

“Yeah, because if I could, I’d marry all my friends,” Ling declared, leaping on the opportunity to move the conversation along. He wasn’t even entirely sure why he had said what he did about Greed, just that it had seemed accurate at the time and now just felt embarrassing. “Who wouldn’t want to make all the people they care about legally family? I’d also like to divorce my existing blood family. Except Mei.”

“That’s already a thing that exists,” Lan Fan said, her lips twitching upward. “It’s called being disowned.”

“Oh shush,” Ling said. He rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t quite hide his grin at Lan Fan’s obvious amusement. “Stop ruining my fun.”

* * *

“Are you sure that isn’t too much soy sauce?” Greed asked dubiously.

“No such thing!” Ling said cheerfully. “Anyway, I don’t criticize when it’s your turn to cook, so let me make my fried rice in peace. Speaking of, you figure out all the finger food for the wedding?”

“I’ve catered at more weddings than you could count,” Greed said. “You think I’d do anything less than the best for my own wedding?”

“Just checking,” Ling said, mentally crossing off food from his list of things to check up on. “You know, I think we’re handling this ‘planning a wedding in a month’ thing better than expected. It probably helps that this isn’t real though.”

“What do you mean?”

Ling picked up a clump of rice from the pan and tasted it. “Well, I think going into the mindset of this being just a party means we don’t get bogged down on details like what color the napkins are or whatever, and it’s much more small scale.” After a moment of consideration, he added a bit more soy sauce.

“And even if napkin color was an issue, we both know what the end result would be,” Greed muttered.

“I’m not going to break thousands of years of tradition and _not_ have red things at my wedding,” Ling said.

Greed shrugged. “All I’m saying is that this is going to be the first time ever that Ed won’t stand out a mile.”

“Better than having everything be black,” Ling shot back. “And it’s not _actually_ that bad. Not everything is red. But yeah. No priests or judges or whatever to worry about, and all the legal aspects aren’t anything either. So it’s much simpler.”

Greed was quiet for a long moment as Ling stirred the rice some more. He was just about to start wondering if Greed had been upset by what he said or something when Greed finally spoke. “We could though.”

“Could what?” Ling asked,turning the stove off.

“Make it legal.”

Ling froze, memories of the conversation he had two weeks ago with Lan Fan rushing into his head. As fun as the idea had sounded in theory, Ling hadn’t actually prepared himself for the possibility that it could become a reality. “What?”

Greed grinned sharply, and his eyes glinted in the way that Ling recognized from whenever Greed felt some kind of discomfort but didn’t want to show it. “You’re already mine forever, why not show it to the world?”

Having long since grown used to Greed’s weird way of expressing affection, Ling merely rolled his eyes. “Say that in a less creepy way, and I’ll consider it.”

The manic energy in Greed’s grin died down slightly, his eyes growing softer. “Do you want to marry me for real?”

“I—” Ling said, trying to stall for some more time because despite his impulsive desire to say ‘yes’ just for the hell of it, he figured the question deserved serious consideration. “That’s—kind of. A lot. Can I have a minute to think about it?”

Greed nodded, but his face fell slightly, and Ling knew that even though he was trying to show respect for Greed and the question by considering it properly, it wasn’t quite coming across that way to Greed.

“It’s a very important thing to answer correctly,” Ling said. “You know I don’t want you to leave my life, ever, if possible. That’s not a question. But it’s one thing knowing that, and another to make it the government’s business. What if you actually want to marry someone else later on, for real?” He would never have romantic feelings for Greed, and he knew Greed was well aware of that, but it still felt unfair to limit the possibilities of Greed’s future.

“Then that’s on the law for not letting me have everything,” Greed said. “I do ‘actually’ want to marry you.”

“Well,” Ling said. They _had_ agreed to use their fake relationship to take advantage of the systems that valued that kind of thing above all else, and what was marriage but one more way of doing that? If he was being offered the chance to officially proclaim to the world that Greed was his person, one he had chosen to share his sufferings and joys with, how could he refuse? Lan Fan and Fu were going to be so shocked when they found out, Ling thought with growing amusement. And he could already picture Ed’s sputtering. “Can’t argue with that. Sure, let’s do it.”

Greed’s eyes lit up, genuine delight this time.

“This has a lot of benefits,” Ling mused. “We’ll get to see each other in hospitals if we get hurt. I can stay in this country after I graduate without getting a work visa. We get tax benefits. He smiled at Greed. “I get to call you my husband.” Ling waited for any twinge of discomfort at the thought, but found none.

“And wear matching rings! I’m going to get the most badass ring in the _world!”_

“If you plan on having a matching ring with me, I’m going to put my foot down on that,” Ling warned. “‘Badass’ is not a word that should be used to describe a ring.”

“Party pooper,” Greed muttered, but he didn’t protest further, which Ling took to be a good sign.

* * *

The first person Ling told about this latest development, right after dinner, was Al. Ling figured that Al would take it more calmly and less judgementally than any of his other friends, and he would really like the first announcement of his legal marriage to not end with someone yelling at him for being so dumb.

“What’s up?” Al asked.

“You know how my wedding’s in two weeks?” Ling said, figuring that just diving in head first to get it over with would be better than dragging it out. “It turns out that I’m actually getting married then.”

There was a long beat of silence. “I’m sorry?” Al said at last. “Do you mean that you’re... like, legally?”

“Yep,” Ling said. “I mean, we’re doing the whole shebang anyway, so why not? Tax benefits, after all.”

“Ling,” Al said in a concerned tone of voice that made Ling suddenly realize why maybe calling Al first might actually not have been the best idea. “Are you sure you aren’t getting a bit carried away? Ed—and me too occasionally, but mostly Ed—does this thing sometimes, where he fixates on something and then out of sheer stubbornness refuses to stop. You don’t _have_ to get married, you know.”

“I want to,” Ling said. It wasn’t that Al was wrong, that this wasn’t him and Greed taking everything too far because of a whim, but at the same time, he had no big reason not to get married and a few decent ones to do so. And he wasn’t quite ready to admit it to anyone, but there was a part of him that liked the idea of formalizing his connection, of being able to hold onto someone and not let go. Of course, marriage wasn’t a guarantee, and even without it, he didn’t think him and Greed would drift apart any time soon, but since the opportunity was right there, they might as well.

“Oh,” Al said, sounding a little surprised. “Well, in that case, uh, congratulations? And sorry for assuming that you didn’t genuinely want it.”

“No, to be fair, this is pretty sudden,” Ling said. “And I’m going to get so much worse from Ed and Winry, not to mention Lan Fan and Fu.”

Al snorted. “Well, I don’t know about Fu, but if you want, I can provide some emotional support with the others.”

“Aw, thanks!” Ling said. “I knew there was a reason I chose you to be the first one to tell.”

“Are you going to make some kind of announcement?” 

“I’ll probably just drop it into casual conversation,” Ling said. “Or more likely Greed will first. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Isn’t it?” Al asked. “It’s your marriage.”

Ling shifted uncomfortably. Why did it seem like every conversation Ling was having these days was one that pried deep into his inner thoughts and forced him to think about his future and what exactly Greed meant to him? It probably came with the territory of planning first a wedding then a marriage, but Ling still didn’t like it. “I mean it’s not nothing, but it’s still platonic. It doesn’t have the same weight as a traditional romantic marriage. We aren’t binding ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives.”

“Ling,” Al said. “I’m starting to think that you don’t actually know what marriage is.”

“I mean, that was a bad word choice, that is what we’re doing. We’re just... it’s not binding ourselves to _only_ each other or planning on raising kids or letting our marriage get in the way of other relationships to people. Not that every marriage is like that, but you know. It’s still not exactly _real_ in the way that society expects it to be.” But he could hear himself talking, and even if his marriage wasn’t typical, it still wasn’t meaningless.

“Okay, fine, I guess it _is_ a big deal,” Ling said because it _was_ to him, and he thought that maybe he was just afraid of admitting it because he didn’t know how big of a deal it was to Greed. “But it’s awkward saying that. My marriage isn’t the type most people would expect it to be, and I don’t want it to be like that or for people to think it’s like that, so I’m still trying to navigate how to talk about it in a way that’s accurate. I’ll talk to Greed and make an announcement or something. Because I guess it does matter, and as important people in my life, you all probably deserve the respect of being told this properly.”

“That’s a great speech,” Al said. “And I’m glad you do have an understanding of what your marriage means to you. But it might be a bit late for that.”

“What do you mean?” Ling asked, trepidation rising in his chest.

“Greed just texted our group chat with the announcement.”

“Oh, God,” Ling said. He wasn’t exactly upset, because he hadn’t had any particular way he wanted to tell everybody, but he also wasn’t sure if he was quite ready to deal with his friends reactions to it all. Romantic couples probably discussed how to announce the news to their family and friends, Ling thought. Maybe there was one downside to not having a marriage like that. "Should I be afraid to look?"

“It’s not too bad,” Al offered. “Lots of question marks and exclamation marks. Mostly from Winr—well, actually, it’s pretty much everyone. I’ll, uh, try to run damage control.”

“I owe you my life,” Ling said, causing Al to snort. “I should probably respond to some of those messages myself, shouldn’t I.”

“Probably for the best,” Al agreed.

“Well, then talk to you later,” Ling said.

“Bye!”

Ling hung up, then with some trepidation opened his group chat. Now that he wasn't talking to Al, he had no excuse to avoid looking at the aftermath. There were indeed lots of strong punctuation and quite a few demands for explanations.

 _yep, were getting married!_ Ling texted. _gotta get those tax benefits somehow lol_

Then he set his phone down and groaned. He deserved to be able to make somewhat impulsive, probably ill-advised decisions that wouldn’t have any major negative impacts on his life, and not have his friends interrogate him about it. Maybe if he waited a little bit for the worst to pass, everyone would be calmer and easier to handle. He could hope.

* * *

It was his wedding day. It made perfect sense for Ling to be nervous, even if the date didn’t carry all the weight that others might assume it to have. The party had still taken a lot of planning, which would make it extremely disappointing if it went wrong, plus Ling was about to interact with a millionaire that he was sort of conning, and he was going to have to be at least a little emotionally vulnerable toward Greed in front of all his friends.

But knowing he had a good reason for that sick squirming feeling in his stomach was not particularly reassuring.

This had all been a terrible mistake, he knew deep down. Ling had a tendency to let things get out of hand, and this was simply one more case of that, just like Al had said. All of this work had gone into a farce, and for what?

At least the wedding wasn’t _entirely_ real, Ling told himself. He wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse. It didn’t feel true. Perhaps the two of them had not gotten engaged in anything resembling the traditional way, and perhaps he never would have married Greed if Armstrong hadn’t replied to his letter. But they were still going to sign a legal contract, and Ling could admit to himself that even if the intended romantic intent was not there, he wouldn’t exactly be lying during his vows to stay together for the rest of their lives.

Beyond the lack of monogamous romance, his marriage was, when you got down to it, pretty much the same as any other marriage. Because no matter how much Ling had tried to cover that up by calling it a display of commitment and affection and a promise to remain close for the rest of their lives, Ling was was starting to realize that those things were actually the exact same things as what marriage was.

Which meant that Ling was about to get married, and it was even going to be a _real_ marriage. His wedding day was a great time to have this realization. 

“Are you sure about this?” Fu asked. He shot a doubtful look at Greed, who was standing on the other side of the Rockbell’s yard.

Ling wasn’t, but the last thing he wanted was for Fu to know that. Fu was skeptical about this marriage because his first meeting with Greed had left him with a poor impression and he thought Ling could do better than him. Of all of Ling’s worries and doubts, who he was marrying was not even close to being one, and he didn’t want Fu to think it was. So he lied. “Oh yeah, I’m absolutely sure.”

Fu raised an eyebrow, piercing through all of Ling’s bravado.

Ling deflated. “I mean, okay, I’m a bit worried. Who isn’t on their wedding day? But I’m not going to back out now, and I don’t really want to.”

“Alright,” Fu said, and Ling knew that he didn’t really approve, but he would be willing to allow it to happen, which was all Ling could ask for.

“Ling!” Ed hissed, rushing up to him. “He’s here.”

As Ling turned to look, he caught sight of the person this all was for: Alex Armstrong. Swallowing back a burst of nerves, Ling straightened his jacket and nodded his thanks at Ed. It was show time.

“Mr. Armstrong!” he said as he ran up to the man. “Oh my God, I can’t believe you actually came! It is such an honor!”

“The honor is all mine,” Armstrong said, the picture of a perfect gentleman, albeit an extremely muscular one. “I am so touched to have been invited on this sacred day of love! It—it really is so sweet that you thought of me on this special day of yours.”

Was he _sniffling?_ Ling wondered in astonishment. If he had known that Armstrong was the kind of man who got teary-eyed over being invited to some strangers’ wedding, he never would have done it in the first place. “Of course! I’m such a big fan of all you’ve done!”

Belatedly, Ling reached his hand up to enthusiastically shake Armstrong’s hand. With everything going on, he had forgotten this aspect of social interaction. Still, the person he was pretending to be would also have a lot on his mind, Ling figured. It probably didn’t make him seem less genuine.

“Oh, I try my best,” Armstrong said modestly, making no move to extricate his hand, even as Ling shook it for longer than was socially proper.

“I mean all that time and money devoted to anti-war efforts... It’s honestly very admirable!” Ling wasn’t entirely lying about this part. In the whole mess of a wedding scam, he had at least been lucky enough to catch a millionaire that he could pretend to be a fan of without leaving a sour taste in his mouth. “I’ve been inspired by the good you’ve done in this world for so long, and I thought... Well, I didn’t actually expect for you to show up, but I’m so delighted to have you! This really is the cherry on top of a perfect day, to finally be able to meet you!”

Armstrong beamed at him. “Is that gentleman over there your husband?” He pointed to the refreshments table where Greed was cackling at something Dolcetto was saying.

Holding back a snort at the thought of Greed being called a _gentleman_ —Ling was definitely going to have to tell him about that once this was over—he nodded. He let his face soften as he looked at Greed, trying to look as besotted as he could. It wasn’t that Ling was an unaffectionate person, and he did genuinely care for Greed, but after so long of keeping all his softer emotions from showing on his face, he still wasn’t entirely sure how to stop.

“This isn’t a traditional wedding, is it,” Armstrong observed. There was no judgement in his tone, only curiosity.

“Well, neither of us are brides, so there wasn’t any point in stopping us from seeing each other before walking on the aisle,” Ling said, only realizing afterwards that he had no idea if that was what Armstrong was referring to or not. It wasn’t an unreasonable conclusion to draw, but he probably should have clarified first. Except maybe it was good he hadn’t? That might have seemed overly defensive when he had no reason to be.

His thoughts were spiralling out of control, and Ling tried to calm down and focus on just the conversation in front of him, without overthinking it too much. Why was he feeling so flustered? He had been able to properly interact with all the elite of China since he was ten, without so much as a stutter. 

“And yeah, we’re both pretty casual people,” he continued. “Emotions and experiences mean more than the trappings of rituals. So. We’re doing a more low-key thing with the people most important to us.”

“Aww,” Armstrong cooed. “You two are so sweet.”

“Ling!” Lan Fan called out from several meters away. “It’s time!”

His mind suddenly went blank, his heart pounding loudly inside his chest. He shouldn’t be afraid, he told himself. This wasn’t real, the biggest obstacle to overcome was conning Armstrong which was clearly going well. There really wasn’t much that could go wrong with such a simple ceremony as what they were doing, so he shouldn’t be scared. It was a time honored tradition to be worried at one’s wedding, Ling knew, but he still couldn’t help but feel that he should be exempt, given the circumstances.

Everything that happened after that was a bit blurry. Ling knew he and Greed both walked down the aisle because that was what they had practiced before, and he felt he would have remembered if it had gone differently. 

With Ling in red and white and Greed in red and black, they made a pretty striking picture, he figured. There had been some debate on what exactly they should wear, but Ling had roped Greed into a somewhat respectable suit that was only mildly ostentatious. It was a nice suit, though Ling had a feeling Greed wouldn’t get much use out of it beyond today. Ling had worn far fancier suits than the relatively cheap one he was wearing currently, but he preferred this additional ‘fuck you’ to his family and the life they represented.

The present seemed so distant with all his memories and thoughts so loud that they drowned everything else out. He barely registered the fact that he was standing in front of Greed, facing each other while Rose stood next to them, talking about marriage.

Rose was one of Ed’s friends. Ling and Greed hadn’t particularly wanted a representative of any religion to officiate their wedding, but since Rose was an acquaintance, they figured that was okay. She was the only other person there besides Armstrong who didn’t know that this marriage was, if perhaps not fake, platonic. Ling hadn’t planned to keep it a secret necessarily, but it had yet to come up in conversation, and he wasn’t entirely sure how much Rose would be on board if she knew the real reasons for this marriage.

It was strange, Ling thought distantly. The closer he got to actually being married, the less he liked the idea of it being fake, even though it scared part of him.

The romantic aspect of it had never been real, but the relationship it was built on was. Without Ling noticing, Greed had stopped seeming like merely the best option of his current friends to get married, instead becoming someone he wanted to marry for the sake of it. It was too late to know what would have happened if Ling hadn’t sent that letter to Armstrong, but he thought that even without that pressure to host a wedding, someday in the future, he might have wanted to solidify whatever it was that he had with Greed. There was a reason he had agreed to make the ceremony legally binding rather than just a facade, after all, and it wasn’t entirely for the societal and legal benefits it brought.

What a strange time to be realizing that he actually wanted to marry his soon-to-be-husband for personal reasons, Ling thought. And right after he had realized that his marriage was real, too. Still, at least it was better than having those realizations _after_ they were married.

He wasn’t precisely sure what Greed felt about him, and he was sure that was a question that would bother him later, but at the moment he wasn’t positive what he felt about Greed either. And no matter what, Greed had been the one to suggest actually getting married, which had to mean he cared for Ling in some sort of significant way.

“Do you, Ling Yao, take Greed Hohenheim to be your husband?” Rose asked.

At the sound of his name the world came back into focus. Ling glanced up to meet Greed’s steady gaze and nodded. “I do.”

Rose repeated the question, this time to Greed. “I do,” he echoed, his voice pleased despite the slight tremble.

“Then I pronounce you two husbands!”

The next part had been decided a while back, to Ling’s intense relief. Otherwise he probably would have popped out of existence from the pressure of trying to determine whether to follow typical wedding tradition and kiss Greed or to follow his own desires to not express affection that way, especially when it came on top of his newly realized feelings towards the whole affair.

Instead he stepped forward, and Greed wrapped him up into a tight hug. Their bodies were pressed against each other, and Ling had hugged many people before, but never quite in the wholehearted way that this was. It felt like if they could be any closer, they would start becoming one person. Maybe it was the aro in Ling talking, but this felt far more intimate than a typical wedding kiss, which had only a couple points of contact.

They stood there for what felt almost like an eternity. With solid arms around him, Ling felt more anchored in the present than he had all day, like the frantic world around him slowed down long enough for him to catch his breath and see a glimpse of serenity, like an oasis within a storm of nervous energy. Ling wondered if he could use them being married as an excuse to hug Greed like this all the time. He had a strong feeling that Greed would not object, and that thought sent a spark of delight through his chest.

“I’m glad we’re doing this,” Ling whispered, angling his head up a little to speak right into Greed’s ear.

For a moment, Greed squeezed him tighter, then he finally unwrapped his arms, though he still clung onto his arms as they both stepped back. Ling saw the smile on Greed’s face, wider and warmer than any he had seen before, and he didn’t need words to know that Greed felt the same.

Their families were cheering, and Ling turned his head to see the audience: Armstrong wiping at his eye, Lan Fan with a soft smile, Ed looking vaguely contemplative, Al a bit teary eyed as he clapped, Fu and Pinako exchanging a glance that Ling didn’t care to interpret, Winry with a pleased look, Greed’s coworkers cheering with varying levels of amusement. 

It wasn’t exactly the future Ling had always planned for himself, but at the moment, he couldn’t think of anything more to ask for.

* * *

**Epilogue**

Married life, it turned out, was more or less exactly the same as unmarried life. Maybe that was different for romantic couples who hadn’t already been living together, but for Ling, it was just more routine. Classes started the next week, and by then, the wedding was in the distant enough past that homework and quizzes occupied far more of his mind than his marriage.

One big difference was the ring he wore everyday, but even that became something he soon grew used to. A few people asked him about it, but not as many as Ling had expected. He tried to explain the situation the best he could while also leaving out the whole ‘conning a millionaire’ thing, but he could tell that not everyone understood why he wanted to marry his best friend, and that no, it was not internalized homophobia.

In quiet moments, Ling sometimes remembered the wedding, and grinned to himself. Partly because the whole situation was infinitely more funny in hindsight, but also because he was genuinely happy he had done it. Still, for the most part it had little bearing on his day-to-day life, and as the days passed, the strangeness of it all began to fade out of his mind. 

Which was why Ling was taken completely off guard when he received a phone call, nearly one month after the wedding.

“Mei?” he asked when he picked up his phone. Although she was his half-sister, they rarely talked, especially after Ling had moved countries to go to college and stopped contacting his family. Of all the people he was related to by blood, Mei was definitely the best one, but they hadn’t been close enough for either of them to really try to stay in touch. The few times she had called, there had always been a reason. “What’s going on?”

“You being a dumbass is what,” Mei said.

“What?” As the two of them had grown closer over the past few years, Mei’s insults hadn’t lessened, but the tone had grown more and more affectionate. But this time, her voice had more bite in it than normal, and Ling wondered blankly what he possibly could have done wrong.

“You got married and didn’t tell anyone in the family!” Mei said, and something cold dropped into Ling’s chest. “How did you think your parents would react when they eventually found out?!”

“Um.” If he was being honest, Ling hadn’t thought that anybody _would_ find out. It had been too spur-of-the-moment for him to really think out all the consequences. He didn’t say that to Mei though. “How did they find out?”

“No clue,” Mei said. “I’m just calling you to let you know that you’re about to receive a dozen phone calls blackmailing you into coming over during winter break with your new spouse. So, might want to prepare.”

“Shit.” And here he had been, thinking that he had come out of the whole wedding thing on top, that nothing more could go wrong with it now that it was over and done. Ling was such a fool.

Mei snorted. “Like I said, that’s really on you.”

“It’s not—it wasn’t—” Ling tried to explain, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it wasn’t real. “We weren’t dating. Greed’s my roommate, and there was this whole thing with free food and Netflix, and then a millionaire, and really we’re mostly just married for like tax benefits and stuff.”

“You do know that if you say that to anyone else in this family, they’re going to tear you apart for marrying a golddigger, right?” Mei asked.

“And you don’t believe that?” Ling asked. Mei’s tone had sounded fairly ironic, though he couldn’t be sure.

“Yeah, because I’m the only one that actually believes you when you say you want to ditch this family and everything that comes with it,” Mei said. “Probably because I’d be right there with you if I wasn’t still in high school and didn’t have my mom to look after. So, no. I don’t think that marrying you for the money would be a smart idea.”

Ling felt vaguely insulted by that idea. “I’ll have you know that I’m extremely smart and talented. Marrying me for the money is smart if you’re thinking long term.”

“Ling,” Mei said in that tone of voice that implied she didn’t even know where to start with all the criticisms she wanted to make.

“I know,” Ling said with a sigh, swallowing back the wave of fear welling up inside him. “Thanks. For letting me know.”

“Might want to buy some plane tickets,” Mei warned. “Before one of them can do it first. They’re serious about this, you know. I wasn’t kidding about the blackmail. They’ll probably take it as an excuse to try and drag you back into all this.”

“Yeah, I got it,” Ling said. Mei was right. He really shouldn’t have expected anything different.

“Don’t do anything else stupid,” Mei commanded, and Ling could hear the concern in her voice. “I’ll see you in a few months.”

“Yeah,” Ling said gloomily. He would have loved to see Mei if it had been under any other circumstances. “See you.” He hung up.

This was fine, he told himself. All he had to do was fly back to China at the end of the quarter, somehow convince his judgmental family that his husband was at least good enough to not bother harassing, survive being around everyone again, and avoid getting pulled back into the family he had spent the past few years trying to escape. Piece of cake.

**Author's Note:**

> Credit to Magpie for coming up with the idea that Greed has a fairly plain ring because he wanted to match with Ling, and Ling refused to get anything too extra


End file.
